


Freak of Nature

by Multishipperlove



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Caduceus Clay (mentioned) - Freeform, Gen, Introspection, Trans Fjord (Critical Role), Trans Male Character, Vandran (mentioned) - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:19:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21838846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multishipperlove/pseuds/Multishipperlove
Summary: Fjord thinks back on his life as Caduceus hands him the Symbol of the Wildmother. Some of the decisions he's made and some that were made for him.Or:Gifts 2: Demi-god Boogaloo
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	Freak of Nature

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this makes sense without any explanation. I had more thoughts about Trans!Fjord, but they didn't really fit in here. Maybe I'll write more in the future, maybe I won't, but this one needed to get out ^^

Thinking back to his life before the explosion, before Uko'thoa, wasn't always easy for Fjord. It had changed so much, it might as well have been another life altogether. Waking up on that beach, his first thought should have been about the rubble of the Tide's Breath. Or maybe Vandran's sword in his own hands, his newfound magic... something like that. 

But it hadn't been. His first thought hadn't even been about his bleeding head wound, or the sand caked to his face. In the moment of waking up, none of that had mattered. 

Instead, all he'd noticed had been his chest. Or the lack thereof. He'd scrambled up on his knees, immediately tugging what was left of his shirt over his head to see what the hell was going on. For a moment he'd been convinced that he was dreaming. Or maybe even dead. But surely, both of these conditions wouldn't allow him to be in as much pain as he was. 

Finally, he'd gathered what was left of his belongings, and just run. A closer inspection of his changed body had followed at the next inn, the same place where he'd first noticed his magic abilities. And for a while, he'd really tried not to question any of it. And then he'd decided to try and make it to the Soltryce Academy, which had finally led him to the Mighty Nein. 

Not the worst path, in his opinion. Sure, they were caught in the middle of a war, and everything was kind of terrible at the moment, but part of him knew he wouldn't trade in this group of idiots for anything. 

They'd been the first people where he hadn't felt like he was lying when he introduced himself as just Fjord. No questions about last names, first names, the way he looked, or anything else. He hadn't felt the need to tell them about who he used to be (who he never really was), and with the gift he'd received there hadn't been a reason to. 

They had shared moments by now that he would have never been comfortable with in the past. One he remembered the most clearly had been their visit to the bathhouse, since he had not been naked in front of other people in... well, since he had been forced to share a wash room with the girls back at Driftwood. 

A weird moment, but also incredibly freeing. So different from how he'd still been isolating himself from the rest of the crew on the Tide's Breath. 

Despite his best efforts to hide this aspect of himself, it hadn't taken long for everyone to catch on back then. Living with a lot of people in a limited space tended to do that. 

Vandran had been the first, actually. He'd asked why a girl was trying to hide away on a ship, pretending at being a man, and Fjord had gone off on the man despite his better judgement. But instead of being thrown off the ship, his temper had somehow managed to get him the Captain's respect, and even after the rest of the crew had found out and had started to become nasty, Vandran had his back. One of the many reasons he still felt like he owed the man. 

But then the whole mess with Uko'thoa had started to pick up, and in a desperate attempt to not only gain the creature's favour but also keep what he had already acquired, he'd gone further along with the plans to free him than he logically knew was acceptable. The consequences of running to Xhorhas, keeping from the coast as best as he could, had hit hard. 

He'd never been so afraid in his life. Afraid of being useless, of losing his friends, and of having to go back to a life where he couldn't go a day without hating himself. 

But he'd stayed unchanged that time, and his abilities had come back as well. 

In the end, it had gotten bad enough that rejecting Uko'thoa had felt like the only option left, the consequences less scary than whatever still following the creature could entail. It had been an impulsive decision, but a good one. 

And even his fear of the Wildmother (Sabian's words 'freak of nature' still ringing in his head, years later) had turned into a careful approach, which had been met with nothing but acceptance and warmth. So much better than waking up in the middle of the night and hacking up seawater. 

Standing here with Caduceus now, being presented with her symbol, it was a feeling Fjord couldn't describe. He was completely and utterly convinced that no one in his life, not even Vandran, had cared about him as much as this group of people did. And thinking about how far he'd come, from the unhappy tomboy orphan to a proud follower of the Wildmother. From crying himself to sleep at night to finally feeling comfortable in his skin, even letting his tusks grow out again. From being afraid to speak up and call attention to himself, to using words and accents to his advantage to help not only himself but also his friends. 

Yes, the explosion, and especially Uko'thoa's gifts, had changed his life. But he was very aware that without the Mighty Nein, he would still be a very different person now. 

But he liked who he was. He wouldn't exchange this group of idiots for anything.


End file.
